As you may remember, Dr. Crooks, a member of the Cobb County School Board, was the subject of a recall effort by angry citizens while advocating for a cell phone tower, affectionately known as the Tower of Babble, installed at Eastvalley Elementary School.
The upset seems to be over the way the matter was handled, including surprising constituents who were led to believe the issue would be tabled for more study.
The board attorneys that most likely counseled the good doctor that all was legal and aboveboard couldn't be found with a flashlight when Dr. Crooks was forced to defend himself from the recall. His legal bills are $41,000, and his colleagues on the Cobb County Board of Education keep putting off a decision on whether or not to help. Maybe they think it was his fault that he listened to the board's attorneys. Maybe they think he should have known better.
But, no matter what the reason, Dr. John needs our help. Let's get the telethon started. Our phone lines are open.
RING! RING! Our first call!
"Yes, this is Jerry Maximus. I own a circus. Circus Maximus. We are headquartered in Rome. Dr. Crooks did more for the circus business with his comments during the Tower of Babble debates than all the clowns in Congress ever thought of doing. I am pleased to donated $100, two old elephants with arthritis and a truckload of slightly-used sawdust."
Hey, we are off to an impressive start! And we have another call!
RING! RING! "I am a member of Congress and I didn't appreciate the last caller's comments. Sure we are clowns but some of us are also general rapporteurs of NATO, by golly. Please tell Dr. Crooks that I would like to donate a hundred Icelandic kronas I picked up while negotiating peace between Bulgaria and Bolivia - or maybe it was Baltimore - and preventing whatever number the next world war would be. Three or four, I think. Of course, the kronas are frozen and somebody will have to pick them up and thaw them out. But it won't be me. I don't get to Cobb County much."
A hundred kronas! That is a cool $10! Thank you, general.
RING! RING! "The employees of T-Mobile would like to donate a $10 calling card. This card cannot be combined with any other offer and outgoing calls, incoming calls, dropped calls and federal, state and local taxes are not included. But it makes a great bookmark."
That's great! Who's next?
"I don't have any money but I wonder if Dr. Crooks would be interested in a couple of cute hamsters?"
I don't think so. Dr. Crooks doesn't care much for hamsters.
(Whisper) "I used to run a cheerleader booster club and I wonder if Dr. Crooks could use $27,000. No checks. Just cash. Small denominations."
I think Dr. Crooks would rather have the hamsters. Come on, folks! We are running out of time!
"I'll give $100 if you will let me speak to Bennie Hinn personally."
Sorry, you have the wrong telethon.
"OK, I'll settle for Jerry Lewis."
Last call coming up!
"I cannot give my name but I am paid $2 million - more than the gross national product of Iceland - to share my legal opinions with certain organizations in town. I will donate the entire $41,000 if John Crooks will say he got his legal advice on the Tower of Babble from Matlock or that dopey-looking guy on Law and Order."
Great idea. However, I suspect Dr. Crooks may want to run that by the school board's legal counsel first. That is why God made lawyers - to keep us out of trouble.
Alas, it looks like we have run out of time. I want to thank the guy that runs the circus, General Rapporteur and all the others who have participated in our telethon today. No question that this may have been the highlight of John Crooks' political career.
You can reach Dick Yarbrough at email@example.com or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.