I don't know all the particulars of that part of the legislation, but it seems that if you simply must have golden bronze skin in the middle of February, it's going to cost you more. I was unaware that tanning facilities were the primary threat to the public health and well being of our nation, but apparently at least 60 Senators think so.
Also high on the list of folks not getting their lobbying dollars-worth are small construction firms. The way I read the bill (well, glanced at the bill), if regular businesses that employ more than 50 people don't offer insurance to their employees, and these employees buy subsidized insurance on their own, the companies are subject to a $750-per-head penalty to be paid to the federal government. However, small construction firms are subject to that same penalty even if they employ only five people.
Obviously, neither the tanning salon owners nor the small construction firms had a vociferous senator looking out for them. After all, Louisiana picked up $300 million for various projects, Nebraska got a Medicare break no other state got and Connecticut streets will soon be "paved in gold" simply because solons from these states cut sweetheart deals with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.
And that's just the start. Literally, in the dark of night right before Christmas, there was something called a "manager's amendment" to the Senate bill. It's 383 pages long and was added to the health bill approximately 20 minutes before the final vote was taken. Apparently, we are a nation blessed with a Senate full of speed-readers. That's a particularly impressive trait for 92-year-old Robert Byrd. West Virginians must be so proud and impressed that half their Senate representation was able to fully digest not only the original 2,000 pages, but also to absorb the extra amendments in much less than an hour before he was wheeled onto the chamber floor to cast his vote.
It's going to be particularly interesting to see just what's in that 383-page addition. Of course, if you happen to live in a state with two Republican Senators, it's relatively easy to guess what's in the bill for you. That would be zero, nothing, nada, zip.
Residents of Nevada (which just happens to be the home state of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid), however, will now be entitled to a live-in physician and a hospital on every corner. At least that's the rumor.
One thing it seems that everyone can cash in on right now is stock in health insurance companies. Talk about lobbyists worth their money and more. Something like 30 million new customers are soon going to be knocking on insurance industry doors because those individuals currently without insurance will be required to have some. I'm not sure whether Bernie Madoff had a hand in putting together that part of the legislation before going on his extended vacation, but for some reason, it does seem like a plausible scenario.
Oh, and then there are the new bureaus that are to be created. One popular syndicated columnist listed them as the Grant Program for Health Insurance Cooperatives, the Telehealth Advisory Committee, the Community Based Medical Home Pilot Program, the Center for Comparative Effectiveness Research, and the Qualified Health Benefits Plan Ombudsman. I was going to try and make up names for those bureaucracies, but I probably couldn't get any more creative than reality.
Of course, the battle is not yet complete. You'll recall that the House of Representatives passed its own version of health care reform not too long ago. The provisions were similar to the ones soon to be enjoyed by all Nevadans (see above for details), only everything would be free. Again, that might not be totally accurate and might be a bit of an over-simplification, but it's close.
All this, as usual, is being sold as a huge victory for We the People. I'm just wondering, if this is a victory, what would we have gotten if we'd lost? See you at the tanning salon.
Bill Lewis is a freelance writer in Marietta.
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