BEHIND CLOSED DOORS WITH THE COBB SCHOOL BOARD - I am writing this from a secret location. Through means I am unable to divulge, an ultra-secret commando group working with the assistance of Yarbrough World Wide Enterprises was able to infiltrate the recent closed-door meeting of the Cobb County School Board prior to their vote on the expanded school calendar and implant a tiny microphone on Chairman Dr. John Abraham's eyelid.

Please read quickly because I expect the school police to discover my hiding place at any moment and ship me to Atlanta where none of the sewers work and not many of the locals:

"BANG! BANG! This meeting will come to order! . . . ."

"C'mon, John, save that gavel rapping for the public. There's nobody here but us school board members. This is a secret meeting and all that banging does is attract attention. Geez."

"Thank you for the reminder, David. I now call on Rev. Dr. Crooks for the invocation."

"I'm not Rev. Dr., anymore, doctor. I am just Doctor."

"Really? What kind of doctor are you?"

"I haven't decided. I am kind of thinking chiropractor or maybe podiatry. Just something where there isn't a lot of blood and stuff."

"Mr. Chairman, as your legal counsel may I remind you that this really isn't a meeting meeting? This is non-meeting meeting. Just a bunch of friends hanging out and shooting the breeze about football and the weather and a stray comment or two about the school calendar."

"You are correct as usual, Mr. Brock. That's why you get the big bucks. OK, here we go: How about them Dawgs and man did it ever rain last week and we are going to start school on August 2?"

Mr. Chairman, did I hear you correctly? Did you say August 2? Don't forget that during your campaign you said you didn't want schools to start until around Labor Day."

"Hmm. I did say that, didn't I? I am sure our communications director, Jay Dillon, can handle that little discrepancy. Jay, would you like to share your thinking on that matter with us?"

"Yes, thank you, Mr. Chairman. If somebody like Vivian Jackson stands up and says that you reneged on your campaign promise, I am planning to have the Cobb County SWAT team rush the room and tear gas the whole place."

"Jay, that may be a bit drastic. Why don't we just tell her we aren't interested in her opinion and let the school police handle it? Besides, it takes forever to get the smell of tear gas out of the carpet."

"If you say so, Mr. Chairman, but I believe that I will be able to get a photograph of her as the police haul her off and I will use my influence to get it on the front page of the Marietta Daily Journal."

"Way to go, Jay. Sometimes I don't think our image could be burnished any brighter and you continue to exceed our expectations. Yes, Ms. Cash?"

"Mr. Chairman, I think Fred Sanderson hung the moon. And the stars."

"Thank you, Ms. Cash. I will make a note of that."

"OK, gang, before we go into the meeting and tell the public what we have already decided, let's remember that we are a team. Let's get fired up. Everybody huddle up now. On Three: Who are we? SCHOOL BOARD! Who are we? SCHOOL BOARD! Who are we? SCHOOL BOARD! YEA! RAH! RAH! RAH!"

"That's more like it. Now, let's go knock their socks off. Anybody got any last thoughts they want to share? Yes, Crooks?"

"I have just decided that I want to be a veterinarian doctor. I like gerbils."

"Oh, good grief! Secret meeting adjourned."

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at yarb2400@bellsouth.net or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.