‘Twas the Night (with apologies, as always, to Clement Moore)
by Bill Lewis
December 21, 2013 11:00 PM | 1037 views | 0 0 comments | 32 32 recommendations | email to a friend | print
‘TWAS RIGHT AROUND CHRISTMAS two thousand thirteen

And, oh, what a twelve-month collection we’ve seen.

The spotlight has shone on the good and the bad,

Events that were fun and some that were sad.


Let’s start with the doyenne of pastries and such,

Paula’s faux pas sure cost her right much.

Her use of a word that just shouldn’t be uttered

Upset a domain based on things that were buttered.


Detroit had some problems when paying its bills.

Which made many creditors say, “We’re not thrilled.”

The city defaulted, its coffers went bust.

Will Motown come back or just sit there and rust?


The usual suspects still filled us with dread.

Iran, North Korea, and others that spread

All manner of ugliness that seems quite inbred.

It would suit all of them if we simply dropped dead.


Thank goodness for guys like the Rodman of Dennis

Who played a few hoops just to help quell a menace.

And now we can all heave a sigh of relief,

Tehran gave up bombs, or so say our chiefs.


Remember how Syria got in our face?

It seems we have really put them in their place.

At least we don’t have any troops on that ground,

Nor any ambassador hanging around.


The tabloids continued to help us to know

Every Kardashian move, blow by blow.

Only a royal named George stole the show,

A king in the making, now third in the row.


Miley turned heads with a dance called the twerk,

Leading some folks to say, “She’s berserk!”

Her wrecking ball video made people stare,

Like Lady Godiva, she wore only hair.


Anthony Weiner likes taking his picture,

Sure wish his edits had been a bit stricter.

Can you just imagine the scope of the mess

With social connections and Monica’s dress?


The NSA tapped into phone lines and email,

“Trust us,” they said, “we don’t want you in jail.

It’s only the bad guys we’ve got on our list,

Sorry if some of you got a bit ... ticked.”


The Justice Department could not idly sit,

Press persons’ records they just had to get.

One guy from FOX News was poignantly named,

Even the Times of New York thought that lame.


When tragic events ended Boston’s great race,

The city sought solace in a great Series chase.

The Cards fought fiercely, but it just didn’t matter,

The Red Sox were destined to unfurl the banner.


Peyton changed jerseys, but that’s about all,

His teammates in Denver still trusted his calls.

Pujols, alas, didn’t fare quite so well,

His batting statistics just fell, fell and fell.


The Pirates were mighty, at least for a bit,

Their playoff appearance was really a hit.

Twenty-one years is a long arid spell.

Just ask a fan of the Cubs, truth to tell.


A-Rod keeps saying he never did juices,

At least not the kind that can lead to abuses.

Sports as a whole now are watching for dope,

“Let’s keep it all clean,” say fans with great hope.


The Blackhawks, the Heat and the Ravens did cheer,

The fans in their cities all hoisted a beer.

The Madness in March went to Louisville’s men,

And the ladies of UCONN triumphed again.


Of course college football filled up the fall,

With outstanding runs and throws of the ball.

The Tide rolled along thinking they were the best,

But then missed a kick and AU did the rest.


Healthcare insurance popped up on a site,

But things really didn’t exactly go right.

Servers were crashing while HHS stammered:

“It’s the contractor’s fault, not us that’s the matter.”


The White House had said you can keep what you’ve got,

Turns out for millions you really could not.

That “period” word at the end of a promise

Made many relate to a doubter named Thomas.


As health care rose up as the biggest of issues,

It turned our attention away from more miscues.

Remember the IRS targets in June?

Seems they were singing the Tea Party tune.


The government ran out of money this fall,

At least that’s the story they told to us all.

Only essentials showed up to their work,

Are others extraneous filers and clerks?


The Rs blamed the Ds, and the Ds blamed the Rs,

It seemed both the parties were on planet Mars.

What happened to statesmen who knew how to lead,

Learned when to bend, how to give and concede?


Harry said, “Left” and Boehner said, “Right,”

All of which prompted a major league fight.

Meanwhile the White House said, “Go on and pare,

Just don’t lay a glove on O-bamacare.”


Even with all of our problems and such,

Most of us have what amounts to a bunch.

So give thanks together and try not to fight;

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Bill Lewis is a freelance writer in Marietta.

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