When it became clear that the mules' presence would cost the county $3 million because they had to tear down some outhouses and buy a plow, suddenly the pair became pariahs. Nobody would admit to having been responsible for them ending up in Cobb. They were shipped off to exile in Canada.
Jill said she had learned that former Gov. Roy Barnes has been allowed to keep cows on his property. She wanted more information.
I told Jill all I know about the former governor is what I read in the newspaper or when he is on television announcing that he is going to sue somebody. I give him a wide berth because I don't want him suing me. Now that the recent governor's race is history, he has a lot of free time to sue people.
Jill told me she felt it was discriminatory that an important politician could keep cows so close to the Square you could smell them if the wind was blowing just right, but not mules. Jill quickly added that she has nothing personal against cows, but they are no cleaner than mules and a lot dumber.
Jill said Jack still won't fly Delta Air Lines because Commissioner Bob Ott - a Delta pilot - had not stood up for him and Jill when they really needed him. Jill, who is the more rational of the two, said that was just as well. She had just read recently that Delta had frozen a kitten in the cargo hold during a flight from Connecticut to Utah. The airline had offered the kitty's owner $50 for her grief and a ticket refund in case she wanted to attempt to take another kitten on a future flight. She said she couldn't imagine what Delta would have offered for Jack.
Jill asked me if Roy Barnes was going to sue Delta on behalf of the kitty's owner. I said I didn't think so. I would have already seen him on television if he was going to do that.
Then, Jill got around to the real reason for her call. They were wondering if I would put in a good word with Barnes to bring them back to Cobb County. They reason that though the donkey is the official symbol of the Democratic Party, nobody can tell the difference between a mule and donkey. Jill said they would be willing to stand in Mr. Barnes' front yard and wave at passers-by and urge them to vote Democratic in the next election. It's never too early to start thinking about the next election, they believe.
Jill feels confident that Cobb Republicans won't bring in an elephant to counter their presence. The only way to get an elephant here is to fly it in and there is always that chance it would freeze en route and what are Republicans going to do with a frozen elephant? They've got enough problems with Bobby Franklin right now. They sure don't need a dead elephant on their hands.
Jill said if Gov. Barnes was uncomfortable with having a couple of mules whooping and hollering in his front yard on behalf of the Democratic Party, she and Jack could strap inflated rubber gloves under their bellies and pretend to be cows. They thought they could easily pass for cows, if given the chance. They will do most anything to get back to Cobb County.
I hated to give them the bad news, but I said there aren't enough Democrats left in Cobb County to make it worth their time and effort. Also, they didn't want to go around masquerading as cows because Roy Barnes intended to sell his herd for beef. Jill was horrified and said that was worse than being sued. I agree.
Before Jill hung up, I tried to cheer her up. I told her to be grateful she and Jack aren't rib eyes on somebody's backyard grill or frozen stiff in a cargo hold over Utah or a Democrat in Cobb County. Sometimes, it is OK to be a mule.
Jill said that put it all in perspective and was thankful she called. I am glad I could help.
You can reach Dick Yarbrough at firstname.lastname@example.org or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.